Category Archives: Outrageous
Giant White Girl Falls Down Stairs: Istanbul Day One
Today might just be the most embarrassing day of my entire life. After one day in Istanbul I have gained a number of new bruises, and lost a few friends.
Inspiring the title to this post, the story goes like this. Read the rest of this entry
Payback is a bitch
My time in London is coming to a close. I leave my fair city on Sunday and am off to other adventures. For the past 15 months I have had the pleasure, and pain, of putting up with all the quarks of London. Building inside me, my pent-up frustration has started to come out, and I’m choosing to express myself in the most passive-aggressive ways so as to fit in with the locals. Passive-aggression is like a sport here, I swear to you. It’s amazing really how so many people can hold in their rage, remaining calm on the outside while the fire burns within and later ignites after a few too many drinks at the pubs.
So … in the past week I have: Read the rest of this entry
Unforgivable
Never in my life has this happened before. Never have I experienced so many mixed emotions; anger, laughter, disgust, and shock. Scarring, yes. Unforgivable, without a doubt. Over-dramatizing (is this even a word) aside, get this …
1. My night began with being denied entrance into a play for 3 minutes of tardiness. Psh-ahhh! Back story: My roommate Naima got free press tickets for us, and then I got delayed on the train, and then I was denied entrance. So rude! Really this was my fault for being 3 minutes late, but come on it’s not that late. Anyways, entrenched in my post-entrance-denial-self-pity I called my friend, Kelly, to join me for a drink down by the ‘Theatre of Denial.’ There we were, sitting, chatting, drinking our martinis – lovely. My tranquillity was lost in a matter of seconds. All of the sudden a literal tidal wave of red wine came for me. The men at the table just next to us had just gotten new LARGE glasses of wine and, wouldn’t you know, the server accidentally knocked one over. The Result: I wore wine pants home. Thank goodness I was in dark clothing. No joke though, I was absolutely covered in red wine. Just to emphasize the size of this red wine tidal wave, the wine spill not only covered me, it also got Kelly on the other side of the table and the two men sitting past me. And here’s the best part. When I got home I took off my glasses and looked in the mirror to find a little dot of red wine right between my eyes. Yes, I walked around the entire night looking like an Indian woman with a drinking problem. Unforgivable, but worth a great laugh.
2. This next story is will be referred to as ‘The Incident’ for all time. My friend, Aminta, and I were walking home the other night. We had a little ways to go and needed a bathroom break so we stopped at McDonald’s. Unfortunately the bathrooms were closed. Home we went. As we were exiting the front door we were shocked and horrified by the following … There was this really really drunk guy leaning against the windows right by the front door. He apparently needed a bathroom too, we could relate, but forgot that public urination is best done while FACING the wall. Or maybe he just wanted to show the world his money maker (from what I saw, I’m guessing he’s poor). Either way, as we exited we were horrified to find this man (probably mid to late twenties) peeing into pedestrian traffic (everyone scattered). He had his little man out for action and was literally peeing onto the sidewalk. We had to walk all the way around in a giant U. I was and am scarred. ’The Incident’ will go down in history as the worst encounter with public urination ever. Unforgivable. Oh, and really nasty.
Smoke & Mirrors
What have I been up to you ask? Where have I been? Who have I met? Below is a small story of the secrets my life has held over the past few weeks. WARNING: (1) This story is not as exciting as it already sounds. (2) This story involves delicious food and a few episodes of smoking; don’t be alarmed.
Jenn and Me on a bus ride to Notting Hill
First, my friend Jennifer came to visit from Boise. It is so nice to see a familiar face, catch-up on all things Boise and books (we met in a book club), and explore the city together. We spent Wednesday having a lie-in (British term alert) and smoking hookah with friends that night. For those less familiar with hookah smoking, a hookah is like an oversized bong in which one smokes flavor tobacco – harmless and flavorful! On Wednesday night we tried apple flavored shisha (word for the flavored tobacco). Our night was filled with laughter and stories from three generations of friends Jenn had in London. There was me from her most recent life in Boise. There was Nicole and Kelly (Nicole’s friend) from Jenn’s college days at Chico State. And there was Tarik, Jenn’s childhood pen pal (they met through a pen pal ad and have been writing ever since, but now it’s more emails rather than snail mail).
Thursday was an intense work day for me and Stonehenge tour for Jenn. Friday we spent doing a bit of work in the morning and then wandering around Westminster Abby in the afternoon. We topped off our day with drinks at Montgomery Place – possibly my favorite bar in London. A few reflections on Friday. Westminster Abby is HUGE. That place looks like any old historic church but, let me tell you, it’s massive. After leaving I am all graved-out (tons of famous people buried there) for a while. Here’s a quandary, I can never tell if I’m in a Catholic church or a Church of England church. Is there a special way to tell the difference? Dear British friends, can you please help me on this one? 2 things I loved the most at the Abby: (1) A priest man asked everyone to participate in a moment of silence once every hour; nice touch. (2) There were preservationists (word?) cleaning the tile which I found fascinating. They used little dental tools and a vacuum to clean out all the dirt. Jenn had to pry me away so we could see more graves.
One last thing before I change subjects … I want to give a little plug for Montgomery Place. It really is the best bar in London. I love it there. I have yet to find anything I don’t like on the menu. As an added bonus, it’s like a model bomb exploded in that place. We walked in Friday night to a crowd of the most attractive Londoners I have ever seen. I immediately felt under-dressed, wanting to run to the restroom for a quick hairdo and make-up reset.
And … change subjects …
Hookah patio
Other events in the last week include hookah with pals from my SOAS (sister school to UCL) class. We all study Violence, Conflict & Development (their degree program, one of my courses). Over the past 7 months I have had the pleasure of getting to know these fascinating people. Mike, for example, was in the US military and then worked for a NGO in Darfur. Simon is a globe-trotting consultant and several years my junior (aka Smarty Pants McGee). Ok pictures. Enjoy …
Lebanese food we had while hookah-ing. Note the mint lemonade – fresh made and oh so good!
Simon, Me, Mike and so forth.
SOAS Peeps
Forgot to mention this (see above). Jenn and I were on the bus going to Photographer’s Gallery on Thursday. Traffic was stopped and everyone was getting antsy. Sitting on the top floor we could see that up head there was a long line of traffic so I suggested we get out to walk. As we did so we saw this. Not sure what happened, but it appears as though this bus (not the one we were on) had just barely nicked a bus stop. Glass was all over the place. Traffic completely stopped. An ambulance took away a woman who appeared to be a little hit (is that possible when it’s bus v. human?). Police everywhere. Oh, and this happened on Oxford Street which is quite possibly the busiest street in London; so busy in fact, that only buses and taxis are allowed on it.
Witness
If I’ve already told you this story, feel free to stop reading at any point. If you haven’t heard about this, read on.
Last week, I think it was on Friday, I was on my usual bus going home. Frequently along this route the driver will be replaced by another driver for what I can imagine is a lunch break or a signal of the end of one’s shift. This process is similar to the Changing of the Guard (http://www.changing-the-guard.com/) but much less formal; ok, not really but it is very official.
So Friday I was on the bus waiting as the drivers began to change when all of the sudden another bus driver, who was presumably waiting for his bus to come so that he too could relieve someone, crouched down on the ground as if to tie his shoe. That’s when the bus driver taking over my route turned and said, “Hey, you ok mate?” It quickly became apparent that the man didn’t know what was wrong but he couldn’t get up. It looked almost as if his energy had been zapped. He was just completely frail all of the sudden. A few minutes later 3 other drivers had gathered around the man who was now on the ground with legs extended, wincing in pain in between looking like he was going to faint. A manager driver of sorts helped to steady the man while he called what I can only presume was the ambulance. At that point my bus took off and the story continued without me.
I’m not sure what that was, but I think the man was having a heart attack. His face looked just like the warning commercials one sees on the TV or the internet or in safety classes. Never have I been so close to that type of situation before. Wow. I hope he’s alright.
